Grief, betrayal, disappointments and despair are all emotions that all of us in our right minds would choose to avoid. And yet when we experience these major life issues we know that something big is happening to us: our soul on a journey towards truth. This path towards self-discovery will either destroy us or teach us what it means to be truly human, with a profound understanding of humility, compassion, love, understanding and gentleness.
If you do not feel comfortable with this part of your healing journey, take some time out to relax and meditate and when you are ready softly inquire where this hesitancy came from.
Perhaps as a child growing up it was necessary for you to control your feelings, and now your mind is telling you that it is better to be rational. But is it? What happens to the feelings you don’t express? Many therapists argue that they do not just disappear. They continue to exist under the surface and affect the way you behave and relate to other people.
I was given a book by a very special and dear friend of mine several years ago called ‘Feelings Buried Alive Never Die’ It was written by Karol K. Truman. The edition I have was published Olympus Distributing in 2007, ( ISBN 0- 911207-02-3). It is an amazing book. A must have for anyone who seriously wants to get well.
I do not know about you. but there are times when I can feel frightened by the strength of my feelings, especially when I lose my temper. When I am in a rage, a primordial cry is released from the pit of my belly. That is when I give voice to my anger. Unfortunately, I am what therapists call ‘a stomacher’, in other wards I literally swallow and stomach my feelings and then I wonder why I can get migraine!
Now that I am older and wiser, I understand. I bury my feelings because I see it as totally inappropriate to lose it.
If I am really honest with myself, ‘my ego’ wants to see me as ‘a good girl’ the therapist who has all the answers.I don’t of course.
I now know that when I operate out of my head and in accordance with textbook theories of how I ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t ‘ think and behave, I have to work damn hard.It just doesn’t flow.
So here is the thing, how can I support you? How can I help you to examine what you have buried over time through the medium of the written word? I have discovered some wonderful way to release feelings over the years. I love to work with Reflexology in silence and from a space of ‘Grace’. I also use and encourage my clients to use, certain rituals of forgiveness and grief. When doing these rituals it is advisable to seek the assistance of a trusted friend or counselor.
Working on- line can raise awareness but nothing is comparable to the compassionate listening ear of a good qualified therapist, or that special non-judgmental colleague or friend.
NB Word of warning.
Whoever you choose to work with to help you examine your feelings, make sure that person can be trusted NOT to talk!!! As unfortunately break of confidentiality can even put you in a more vulnerable situation. That is why Catholic priests are fantastic, the seal of confession even holds up in court. Imagine that!
So my advice to you is take your time.
Try different self-help support groups.
Seek out different therapists, check their credentials, check out testimonials, until you find that person who suits you best. Personally I think it is good to seek out the assistance of trained qualified strangers as they do not know you and will not have preconceived ideas about who you are and here is a certain freedom in this as well.
In the meantime don’t forget to allow yourself plenty of time to practice stillness outlined in previous blogs.
As the cliche goes….
‘Go on you are worth it’